multipurposegoddess: (Cozy)
[personal profile] multipurposegoddess
I wish paying the mortgage every month didn't reduce me to tears. It's such a stupid thing. I still haven't gotten my escrow refund from when I refinanced and just thinking about trying to jump through whatever hoops there may be to get it unfailingly makes me cry, and the thought that I am letting them steal ~$3k from me because trying to get it back is so frustrating is even worse. Argh. On top of that, which has been ongoing for months, I recently increased my 401K witholding in the hopes that I will someday actually be able to retire, and that made my take-home for my first paycheck of the month (I get paid semi-monthly) less than my mortgage payment, which is kind of okay short-term, I have savings and I can rationalize that what I am really doing is transferring money from my savings account to my 401K , but it is still anxiety-making. My budget is such a mess and I just don't have the wherewithal to fix it right now. Fortunately, I do have a cushion of savings, still. I would like to have this figured out by 2014, but that's coming up soon and I don't know when I'll be able to focus on this shit. Meanwhile, of course, I am throwing money away on stuff I don't need, which is depressing to contemplate.

Money. Argh.

In happier news, I have gone from a size 24 to a size 14 in the last year, and my stash of Clothes I Would Like to Fit Into Again now fits into one plastic bin. I need to figure out what to do with all those now too big for me outfits - some I would like to take in and keep wearing but probably a lot of them I can see if the new consignment shop down the street will take or donate somewhere. I have at least one suit that's never been worn because job hunting didn't really go like I expected it to.

Also pretty happy news - I have a week's worth of breakfasts in the fridge, and 5 days worth of lunches and dinners. I've got everything I need to make salmon cheesecake, and two small pumpkins to eat up, so that's a few more meals. My produce box & eggs will be delivered Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. All told,  I think I am okay to avoid grocery shopping until next weekend. That's always nice.

Work is fine. October is our busiest month and I'm kind of not looking forward to things slowing down. Like there won't be enough for me to do? I don't know. There's always more analysis I could be doing, I don't think that's really a danger. I do run out of brain, sometimes, and want things to do that I don't really have to think about, and that may be in shorter supply, but that hardly seems like it's worth worrying about.

Anyway, four-day weekend at the end of the month, so there's that to look forward to. One of those days will be taken up with Thanksgivukkah, but that still leaves me an extra day of Getting Stuff That is Not Work Done, hopefully.

Jesus, I need to reset this fucking day and I cannot think of a way to do that. This is so stupid, to be all upset about paying bills when the bills are, in fact, paid, WTF, self?

I mean, sure, my life is meaningless and there's not really anything to look forward to, getting through today just means I get to try to get through tomorrow, but that's true all the time and it doesn't usually ruin my mood.


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