Meh

[multipurposegoddess]

So, I'm having a bad couple of days, I guess. Didn't want to get out of bed yesterday, and in fact went back to sleep after letting the critters out. Got up some time after 9, but never did get dressed or do much of anything. Today I am slightly more productive but crying a lot.

Which is all fine, probably part of some perfectly normal cycle, whatever, but it is keeping me from doing things like answering the phone or returning calls, and that's probably not good. But I just don't want to talk to anyone.

Comments

[arliss]

That behavior is perfectly normal and understandable. I gave myself a day to do just that, once in a while, but then the next day I made myself make an effort. Dressing. Writing notes. Taking out the trash, scrubbing the toilet, keeping track of what I ate, to make sure I did, in fact, eat something. And speaking to someone at some point during the day, if only by phone, if only to order pizza or cancel a subscription.

Small things to re-connect with mundanities of life. You need a disconnected day every now and then, but not two days in a row, and not more than two per week. As time passes, the need for those days should come less and less often.

You're being thought of, with tenderness and love.

[multipurposegoddess]

That sounds reasonable, and I often find myself thinking of similar plans to keep myself involved, but on the other hand, I don't know, I also think maybe I should have a good and compelling reason to force myself to do anything. Which I don't have a lot of, compelling reasons to do anything. At the moment.

Sometime sit is liberating, this not having anything to stand on, but it's also very confusing. I heard a thing on Radio Lab about how we humans make decisions, and it included this guy who had, I don't remember, traumatic brain injury or something that left him sort of a Vulcan wrt emotions. He could function pretty well otherwise, but deciding, say, whether to fill out a form with a black pen or a blue pen was beyond him. He'd just freeze up without a rational reason to choose one or the other. That's how I feel a lot of the time; not that I am lacking emotion, of course, but that there's no way to choose between various courses, there's no particular reward worth pursuing, just a big bowl of what's the point.

Which sounds much more nihilist than I feel, I think, but there it is.

[perkins]

Belatedly, I'm sorry you had a bad couple of days. I hope it's gotten a little better.

If you feel up to it, maybe we can do lunch somewhere in the East Bay in the next couple of weekends?

[multipurposegoddess]

Yes, I'd like that! I'm free both weekends, as far as I know. Sunday is slightly easier for me than Saturday, but either is doable.

I think I'm doing better. It's...hard to tell. But right this minute is pretty okay, so that's a win.

[perkins]

I can do either Sunday! Do you have a place you would like to go, or should I investigate.

[multipurposegoddess]

Sweet! Investigate away, I am game for some place new.

[perkins]

Okay! I will poke around, and then email you.