Reply hazy, try again

[multipurposegoddess]

I should have the death certificate in another couple of weeks, and presumably will have my financial situation sorted out not too long after that (my current situation, that is - I will at least know what I have to work with) but I feel the need to sort out some what-ifs and conditionals, So:
Case 1: Prudential finds some way to deny my claim
Put the house on the market, decide what to sell and what to pack up (both for myself and to give to people). This option would be a bummer, but would also be easy from a decision-making point of view, at least initially. After that, who knows? Probably the practical thing to do would be to look for a job without regard to geography and go wherever I get employed and just start over. There is some appeal to that.

Case 2: Expected insurance payout comes through
I was figuring that paying off the house, whether I decide to stay here or not, makes sense. I stay and my living epenses are drastically reduced. I move and I have 100% equity, so I would presumably be able to buy outright wherever I move to. Assuming the sale doesn't take forever to go through and I don't lose too much on it.

However, and this feel silly even to think it but it is actually how I feel, losing the bees has made me more inclined to sell, and if that is the plan from the beginning, well, I could take my cash and buy wherever I'm going, which is likely to be somewhere cheaper than here, and have some savings left over to continue to make mortgage payments until this house sells and/or live on until I get the whole job thing sorted out.

Expected insurance payout is a bit more than my outstanding mortgage, so if I paid off this house I would have some left over, also, but not as much as I would have if I bought a smaller and cheaper place (and, really, 3 bedrooms for one person is a ridiculous amount of space. Not that I can't fill it up/use it all, but I feel like I should be shrinking rather than expanding right now). is there really any difference between the two? I'm not sure. I guess there is also the option of renting out this house, which is what my neighbors appear to be getting ready to do. That could make sense, or could be a source of unending headaches and make me terribly sad (like every possible option doesn't make me terribly sad, ha).

In either case, there's the question of how to support myself. I think I could cut my expenses enough to be pretty comfortable on not very much, so maybe something part-time and not very demanding would be enough.Anything that's an actual career, I would be starting from scratch in my 40s with some education but no experience and a gap of 4 years since I was last employed. A gap I can explain, but it's a big freaking gap with no relevent experience on the other side of it, frankly. But that's doable. The problem, really, is that I don't really believe in these mythical jobs that people find satisfying and fulfilling. I've never had one and i can't really imagine one.

In some ways, this would be a good opportunity to start my own business. I have time, I may very well have some capital, I don't have dependents so all the risk is mine alone. I have no idea what I would do, though. I've got no expertise to draw on, I'm not passionate about anything. also have the sneaking suspicion that taking anything I do enjoy and turning it into something I have to do to pay the bills will make it something I don't enjoy anymore.

Meh, this is not getting me anywhere.

Comments

[perkins]

I don't know if this helps any, but while I get how it would/could seem like you aren't getting anywhere, from here it looks like you are.


Also, I missed your bee post from last week (among most other things that weren't work). I'm sorry they fled.

[multipurposegoddess]

It does help, thanks!

My best guess on what happened with the bees based on the condition of the combs, I probably had an old and weak queen, or maybe even no queen at all, and the colony couldn't survive. I've probably been feeding "robber bees" from other hives for a while. Some of the individual bees, I hope, got recruited into those stronger colonies, though, so there's some comfort in that. And I can take some time and prepare the hive and my backyard for a new colony in the Spring (possibly not this coming Spring, but some Spring).

There is, I am sure, a metaphor in that. Probably more than one.