Weekend Getaway
Mar. 28th, 2012 10:41 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
multipurposegoddess I'm supposed to be having a "normal" day today - reasonably productive, maybe going out into the world, that sort of thing. Not entirely successful in that s far, but it's early.
This past weekend I went to a new winery with my parents - they'd won a wine tasting and B&B-style night's stay at the vineyard for up to 4 in a silent auction benefiting one of the organizations that my dad's involved in and asked me along. The couple behind the winery were super nice and the behind the scenes look at winery operations was interesting, and the wine and dinner and breakfast were all delicious, so as far as all that goes it was a very pleasant weekend. But it was a lot of being around people (and a small group of people so it felt like it would be rude to not be sociable) and making conversation. I was braced for "and what do you do?" but got hit with "and what's your career?" for which I have even less of an answer. Sigh. The husband/winemaker used to be a banker and then grew almonds for years on the land that they are converting into a vineyard, and he said a couple of times how he did something he hated for 15 years but now he could do whatever he wanted for the rest of his life. Nice for him, but sad for me, both because H won't get to reap the reward for all his hard work (and he did work very hard) and because I have been struggling with the "if you could do anything you wanted what would you do" question because, really, I do have that kind of freedom but I don't have anything I want to do with it. So, y'know, trying to be pleasant company with all that in my head is not so easy. People I just met don't need to get my emotional messes dumped all over them.
And I slept really badly. I expected to, sleeping in not my bed is never really restful, but, man, if that is what insomnia is like I'm glad I don't suffer from it often. A worse brain-not-operating-correctly feeling than I have had in a long time, reminded me of coming down from acid.
So I really wanted to hide from the world on Monday, but I had errands that absolutely had to be run, but I did stay snug in my hobbit hole yesterday, so, yeah, time to try to engage again.
This past weekend I went to a new winery with my parents - they'd won a wine tasting and B&B-style night's stay at the vineyard for up to 4 in a silent auction benefiting one of the organizations that my dad's involved in and asked me along. The couple behind the winery were super nice and the behind the scenes look at winery operations was interesting, and the wine and dinner and breakfast were all delicious, so as far as all that goes it was a very pleasant weekend. But it was a lot of being around people (and a small group of people so it felt like it would be rude to not be sociable) and making conversation. I was braced for "and what do you do?" but got hit with "and what's your career?" for which I have even less of an answer. Sigh. The husband/winemaker used to be a banker and then grew almonds for years on the land that they are converting into a vineyard, and he said a couple of times how he did something he hated for 15 years but now he could do whatever he wanted for the rest of his life. Nice for him, but sad for me, both because H won't get to reap the reward for all his hard work (and he did work very hard) and because I have been struggling with the "if you could do anything you wanted what would you do" question because, really, I do have that kind of freedom but I don't have anything I want to do with it. So, y'know, trying to be pleasant company with all that in my head is not so easy. People I just met don't need to get my emotional messes dumped all over them.
And I slept really badly. I expected to, sleeping in not my bed is never really restful, but, man, if that is what insomnia is like I'm glad I don't suffer from it often. A worse brain-not-operating-correctly feeling than I have had in a long time, reminded me of coming down from acid.
So I really wanted to hide from the world on Monday, but I had errands that absolutely had to be run, but I did stay snug in my hobbit hole yesterday, so, yeah, time to try to engage again.